Consciousness begins when brains acquire the power, the simple power I must add,
of telling a story.
Antonio Damasio
We construct our personal identity out of the experiences which we have had in our lives. As I have written before, we begin to put these experiences into a narrative from teenage years onward and this narrative guides our behaviour in every moment. It provides a frame for how we see the past and, even more importantly, how we see the future developing. We use this as a means of providing some degree of coherence and purpose to our everyday lives. Part of our story comes from where we feel we belong, our family and place. As I was in the concert the other evening I heard melodies which evoked feelings of home, memories of places and a sense of belonging.
This need to belong is a very strong part of each one of us. It is linked with our sense of identity, of who we are. The music reminded me of the roots of my identity. However, I notice as we grow older, we tend to link that identity much more to relationships and get our sense of belonging there. We still want to find our place, yes, but much more we seek it in the lives of others. We seek to be remembered, to leave a mark. Growing as adults does not cancel that fundamental need. We are always looking for that mirroring or holding which shows that our own deepest self, our full story, is being heard.
