More Stress

It would seem, despite increases in technology, that stress continues to rise in Western society. The most recent poll conducted by the American Psychological Association, found that approximately half of all Americans were more stressed than they were 5 years previously. It also reported that 33% of all people in the US are living under extreme stress, while many reported physical symptoms (77%) or psychological symptoms (73%) related to stress in the previous month.

Physical symptoms of stress included: fatigue (51%); headache (44%); upset stomach (34%); muscle tension (30%); change in appetite (23%), teeth grinding (17%); change in sex drive (15%); and feeling dizzy (13%).

Psychological symptoms of stress included: experiencing irritability or anger (50%); feeling nervous (45%); lack of energy (45%); and feeling as though you could cry (35%). In addition, almost half (48%) of Americans report lying awake at night due to stress.

Sadly, most people surveyed said that they would only make necessary lifestyle changes after the diagnosis of a chronic condition rather than taking preventative measures.

"Stress in America continues to escalate and is affecting every aspect of people's lives — from work to personal relationships to sleep patterns and eating habits, as well as their health,” says psychologist Russ Newman, PhD, JD, APA executive director for professional practice. “We know that stress is a fact of life and some stress can have a positive impact, however, the high stress levels that many Americans report experiencing can have long-term health consequences, ranging from fatigue to obesity and heart disease.”

http://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2007/10/stress.aspx

A Daring Adventure

Security is mostly a superstition.
It does not exist in nature,
nor do the children of men as a whole experience it.
Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure.


Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.
To keep our faces toward change
and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate
is strength undefeatable.

Helen Keller

When its over

Saw the first snowdrops today. The wonder of nature, of Spring returning. Reminded me of words by Mary Oliver, similar to those yesterday by Stephen Levine. What is one waiting for to begin ones life? Some day in the future when such and such changes? What fears hold us back from fully embracing what is offered now? As the ancient Chinese said, we wish to reach the evening of our life without regret.

When it's over, I want to say: all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.

When it is over, I don't want to wonder
if I have made of my life something particular, and real.
I don't want to find myself sighing and frightened,
or full of argument.

I don't want to end up simply having visited this world.

Mary Oliver, When Death Comes

A prayer

Remembering the mother of a friend

May there be some beautiful surprise
Waiting for you inside death
Something you never knew or felt,
Which with one simple touch
Absolves you of all loneliness and loss,
As you quicken within the embrace
For which your soul was eternally made.



May your heart be breathless
In the light and lightness
Where each and every thing
Is at last its true self
Within that serene belonging
That dwells beside us
On the other side
Of what we see.

John O'Donoghue, Benedictus

What we learn at the end of our life

Stephen Levine has written extensively about what he has learned from working with those who are dying. Being close to those who are in the last moments of life has taught him the importance of being alive in every moment.

To the degree we are present for “just this much” this living moment, we are alive. Otherwise we numb to the vibrancy and beg upon our deathbed for one more chance.

Most think that living a “full life” means living into old age. But if you are not alive this moment, what makes you think you’ll be alive then? To live fully is to be filled with this moment. Present for this millisecond, this day, this week, this life.

Stephen and Ondrea Levine, Embracing the Beloved

A joyful heart

Do not throw anyone out of your heart.
Neem Karoli Baba

I received a lovely mail last night from a friend and it closed with the wish that I would have a "joyful heart". And I reflected that the last few days, with the hint of Spring in the air, and buds appearing on the trees, notwithstanding a touch of flu, my heart has been very joyful.

The whole purpose of our meditation practice is to experience joy, a joy that can exist even when we are having difficulties. Joy comes from plunging fully into one's own life's mystery and the mystery of life all around and seeing what an amazing adventure this is. Joy is connected to a heart that stays open, and welcomes, in friendliness, each moment, even those which were not expected. It arises when we allow ourselves to rest, to sit, to move away from the inner restlessness that makes us unhappy.

Sometimes we can look for joy in the wrong places, by being closed to events or people. What I am working at a lot these days is staying open, especially when my initial reaction is to close in on myself. In an interview Thich Nhat Hahn gave recently to Oprah Winfrey, he talked about the simple act of seeing flowers, and how seeing them brings joy, firstly by being grateful that his eyes are still well enough to see the beauty all around. He then moved on to a simple drinking of a cup of tea and how by discovering joy in the simple moments of each day, we can see it then in the bigger challenges, when the mind becomes confused and frightens itself.

A deeper wisdom begins to emerge. When some difficult challenge arises with work or with a person, we say to ourselves that it will not last forever. So we stay connected to our heart and remind ourselves not to freeze that into the whole picture, not to fall into our small selves. Rather, we try and see that it is supportable, and allow it to pass so that we am open to the next moment, the next joy. Every moment is precious. We are not going to get to do this day or this week over again.

Realizing this, I know everything that I do can make a difference and so I want everything that I do to be grounded in kindness. Fear sometimes makes us defensive. It has the potential to trap us from time to time. Kindness and friendship towards ourselves - and our fears - allows us to spot these traps and turn back outwards.

So I was grateful to my friend for the mail and for the wishes. It reminded me of metta practice, of wishing kindness to those who are dear and those with whom we may be having dificulty with at this moment:

May you feel happy and safe
May you feel protected
May you be healthy and strong
May your life develop with ease

Practice

The essence of practice is always the same:
instead of falling prey to a chain reaction
of revenge or hatred,
we gradually learn to catch the emotional reaction
and drop the story lines.

Pema Chodron

New buds

I was parking the car the other day as I returned from a meeting and my flu was beginning to kick in. I was preoccupied with it and its effects. As I got out of the car I noticed the snow had gone from the rockery. And there they were, peeking up through the soil, the first signs of snowdrops and crocus planted to greet the Spring. I noticed also the willow beginning to bud. And seeing these little unexpected gifts my heart was warmed, I felt joy, and realized how life and love can break though our most selfish considerations and the times we would like to close our hearts.

At times nature gives us teachings which we can need in our daily lives. Open up to new life and hope for the future. A lot is going on that we do not know about. Trust growth to take its own path in its own mysterious way.

I like to garden and have a plan for its development over the next years. However sometimes nature has its own plans. This winter a mole has come to take up residence in the field next door and from time to time he decides to visit the garden, messing up my neat lawn with his untidy hills. It ruins the order but surely is as much a part of nature as the formal beds I have put down. Who I am to say that my plans are best? Every week we get examples of how the natural world doesn’t behave in a predictable way, so we shouldn’t be surprised that natural upheavals occur in both our gardens and in our private lives. Maybe the small wild flowers that grow along the fence have as much right to be part of the garden as the ordered planting in beds? We often think we know what is best and in doing so often do not recognize what is. Sometimes, out of fear, we prefer to impose our order on things when in fact nature, and life, proceeds with its own mysterious lack of order. In doing so we risk losing the small and beautiful gifts which give joy to the heart. There is so much in life that is unexpected and unplanned for, but often these are the things that make all the difference.

The splendour of the rose and the whiteness of the lily do not rob the little violet of its scent nor the daisy of its simple charm. If every tiny flower wanted to be a rose, spring would lose its loveliness.

Theresa of Lisieux

Fear and relationships

I find it an ongoing challenge to live and authentic and compassionate life. I often screw up, choosing selfishness rather than genuine care for others. I notice that this selfishness is often rooted in fear.

And my work with people over the years has shown me how often their fears are activated in their relationships with others, and this leads them to act in defensive ways and protect their heart. Relationships have the capacity to trigger a person's deepest fears, which often reflect patterns established in their childhood. We notice this when a strong emotional reaction is triggered, and automatic deeply believed, often fearful, thoughts dominate, which are very easy to take as the truth. When this happens people tend to maximize distance to protect themselves and act as if the other person can threaten the security of their inner self. Relationships open our hearts and expose our needs and feelings. Sometimes we clearly feel that is not safe. And when that happens we all follow some strategy to escape feeling the fears that silently run our life.

However, the truth about relationships is that they reflect closely our relationship with ourselves and reveal a lot about the clarity or confusion in our inner life. In fact our relationships can never be better than the relationship we have with ourselves. We often project on to the other what is going on inside ourselves, often what we are unable to manage properly, and this is at the root of our fears, and the reason they are so strong. Thus we can blame the other for confusion which is actually inside ourselves.

I notice this often in myself. Therefore I find that when strong fears are triggered it is good to try and turn towards them and let the fears in, looking on it as 'what' instead of as 'me'. Even if the fear triggered is strong, if I manage to do this soon afterwards, I notice the fear loses its power quickly and a more open response can emerge. The fear thus becomes a teacher which strengthens rather than paralyzes.

"Fear tells us to stop, to stay within the boundary of our protected cocoon-world. Yet when we feel fear, if we take even one small step toward it rather than yielding to our habitual pulling away, we move one step closer to the vast mind that lies beyond. When we feel fear instead of saying 'I'm afraid,' thus reinforcing our identification with our fear as who we are, we can simply say, 'Fear is present.' Thus fear's power gradually dissipates, and we begin to free ourselves from it. When we simply experience fear just as it is — without our opinions, judgments, and reactions — fear is not nearly so frightening."

Ezra Bayda, Saying Yes to Life (Even the Hard Parts)